Yes, you've probably seen the video. A card company's newest Mother's Day ad has gone viral and every mother has tears in her eyes by the end and every dude with "mommy issues" is calling BS. The truth is, it doesn't matter that it's a commercial. I really don't care that it's marketing a card/gift for an emotional fed "holiday". I thought it was neat. And yes, my eyes were filled with tears by the end. But probably not for the same reason every other mother's were....
As the "interviewer" listed off all the responsibilities, all the duties that this "in humane" job entailed, I couldn't help but feel bad. Not that it was at all this company's point. In fact, they were trying to do the complete opposite. They want to put out how much a mother does and how amazing it is that they do it. I, on the other hand, felt like I wasn't good enough. That I didn't belong in that category of unbelievable women who put everything into being a mom.
I'm a stay at home mom. Some people say that that alone makes me part of that group. I guess my own dumb guilt from Pinterest posts and other mom envy made me feel like I still don't do enough. Another reason, I have a husband who is beyond phenomenal. He does so much, that by the end of the ad, I wanted to get HIM a Mother's Day card. I feel like most of the time, he deserves it more than me.
I know my problem, though. I judge my merit based on the things I do. Not who I am. It's a horrible habit that can be traced down my family just as much as our propensity to worry about every freaking thing. I have always felt that if I wasn't DOING then I wasn't worth much. I think it's a fairly common problem, but I would love to eradicate that mindset in me before I pass it on to my children. The question is how? I guess if I knew that, I wouldn't be rambling now.
Maybe, I should just remember that I, in fact, have given birth to three fantastic little boys. That not only that, I adore them. I love them with every fiber of my being. Even though I may not always be the one changing diapers, cooking and serving meals, cleaning up their messes or taking them to the park, I am still here. I still kiss the boo boos and sing to them and give them as many cuddles, hugs and kisses as they possibly ever want. My heart still hurts for their hurts and my heart still rejoices with their joys. I am their mama. It doesn't change their love for me that we don't do every craft I pin or that I take them to play dates every day (or week or....ugh...monthly). They love me for me. They know I love them and I am their mama.
Someday, I'll get it. Someday, I'll feel worthy. For now, I just need to keep reminding myself.
I'm a stay at home mom. Some people say that that alone makes me part of that group. I guess my own dumb guilt from Pinterest posts and other mom envy made me feel like I still don't do enough. Another reason, I have a husband who is beyond phenomenal. He does so much, that by the end of the ad, I wanted to get HIM a Mother's Day card. I feel like most of the time, he deserves it more than me.
I know my problem, though. I judge my merit based on the things I do. Not who I am. It's a horrible habit that can be traced down my family just as much as our propensity to worry about every freaking thing. I have always felt that if I wasn't DOING then I wasn't worth much. I think it's a fairly common problem, but I would love to eradicate that mindset in me before I pass it on to my children. The question is how? I guess if I knew that, I wouldn't be rambling now.
Maybe, I should just remember that I, in fact, have given birth to three fantastic little boys. That not only that, I adore them. I love them with every fiber of my being. Even though I may not always be the one changing diapers, cooking and serving meals, cleaning up their messes or taking them to the park, I am still here. I still kiss the boo boos and sing to them and give them as many cuddles, hugs and kisses as they possibly ever want. My heart still hurts for their hurts and my heart still rejoices with their joys. I am their mama. It doesn't change their love for me that we don't do every craft I pin or that I take them to play dates every day (or week or....ugh...monthly). They love me for me. They know I love them and I am their mama.
Someday, I'll get it. Someday, I'll feel worthy. For now, I just need to keep reminding myself.